We had a weekend up at Gillette’s Castle where we saw secret passageways, old playbills & letters, beautiful interiors, and a phenomenal view. Dave decided it was the perfect spot in case of a zombie apocalypse and I decided it would be an inspiring place to write. One room had a bed seat next to a large, open window with a view of the river. It was perfect. William Gillette, the castle’s creator, was an actor that hosted theater performances and parties. I can only imagine how much fun it was!
Afterwards we found a local pub to eat for lunch. It had the best spinach artichoke dip I’ve ever had, the puffiest homemade tortilla chips, the crispiest french fries, and the most delicious buffalo chicken pizza. Maddox, of course, had a giant boob full of milk and enjoyed every last drop. On the way back, we stopped for a dip at the pool. Then we BBQ’d and went swimming again on Sunday with a friend.
All in all we soaked up the summer days, relaxed, and enjoyed every second of it together.
I’ve never been one to hold confidence in myself. I’ve always been in a world of self-doubt and uncertainty. Never believing in myself, my choices, or my lifestyle as much as I should. I was often proud of my views but I didn’t always carry them boldly. Ever since Maddox was born, something slowly, gently, and unexpectedly shifted.
Confidence is a magnificent quality of self-assurance. One that many people lack, one that I lacked for the longest time. There are many ways to build it up and move forward with heads held high. Plenty of experiences to teach us this quality. Our life is a series of navigating, building, and breaking the doors to our confidence through all the influences we encounter daily. Confidence seems to always need a key ingredient of an outside energy source to fuel itself.
Yet there’s a confidence that cannot be influenced or taught. One that lives within our bones and the depths of our soul. It dwells organically and is known, strengthened, and nurtured by the heart and the intuition of self. It is unlocked by one key alone: pure love.
This is what my new mama skin has taught me.
Giving birth to Maddox has been humbling. It has created a newfound confidence within me. Never have I felt so decisive and knowing than now and I trust in myself more than ever before. I have researched everything under the sun yet what I execute in motherhood is what I know to be true and safe within my heart. It correlates with an ancient sisterhood of mothers. Everything has felt natural and innate. Everything has felt a part of me.
This is a confidence I wish to instill in Maddox. Tides may constantly shift, but this inner knowing is eternal. This inner source holds a power to learn, love, fail, ebb, and flow. This confidence needs to be respected and revered. We must water it and nurture it day by day. This confidence was born within the womb and is buried within ourselves on Earth. It’s only a matter of unlocking it.
Motherhood is a strange, certain thing that has torn me open. One thing I can say with surety is being a mother is eternal.