Quiet Moments

In the early morning, I peel open my eyes but it’s still dark. There’s a hint of blue morning light beginning to creep from behind the trees. Next to me, I can feel you searching. Barely even awake. I lift my breast a little closer and almost instantly you find me. Latching on and nestling into me like a little bird under my wing, you calm back to slumber. I smile groggily, curl into you, and follow suit.

At night, I lay you down and lay next to you. The sun begins to shine elsewhere in the world. Your skin smells of lavender and fresh baby. I kiss your forehead before your plump, peach lips begin to nurse. The sweet warmth of the milk works its magic against your tongue and you begin to get drowsy. Soft music plays in the background and I do my best to sing gently to you. Eventually, you fall into slumber.

My heart sings in rhythm, beating with yours, and I’m reminded that this is home. Slowly, I breathe your love in and I breathe out the stress. It’s just us, little babe. You and I. Together. Under these vast skies and for eternity.

Weekend Links

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My sister was here from Illinois for a week so I was soaking up all the time I can with her and my nephew. We spent it full of beach days, pool days, lazy days, errand days, cleaning days. I love that her son is only 2 months older than Maddox. I can’t wait to watch the dynamic of their relationship shift and change as they grow older. I wonder who the trouble-maker will be.

This video will make you think twice before you make-up shame.

25 things breastfeeding moms should know.

Add some blueberry skillet cobbler to make your weekend a little more delectable & sweet!

5 beliefs of incredibly successful people.

Pools with dream views.

It’s almost flannel season.

Ever been curious about the favorite books of famous authors?

May the lipstick be with you.

Any other curly girls out there? Here are some cute hairstyle ideas for you!

My new favorite series is Whine About It. Hilarious!

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you have some awesome weekend plans lined up!

Postpartum Must Haves for Mothers

During pregnancy, new mothers are focused on preparing for their new bundle. They are worried about the nursery, picking out clothes, creating a dream labor and delivery plan, and debating cloth or disposable. Rarely do mothers worry about the aftermath of birth and helping themselves heal.

Postpartum isn’t glamorous. It’s tender and harsh. We need to care for ourselves so we can better care for our littles. Preparing a recovery kit for yourself or for a friend will make the transition a little more bearable. It’s hard to be comfortable between the pain, the bloody puddle, a needy newborn, and lack of sleep. These are some things sure to ease the postpartum period.

Tuck’s Witch Hazel Pads
These were a lifesaver for me. I didn’t get hemorrhoids (thankfully) but they soothed the general pain and stinging. The coolness felt incredible against broken skin. You can also make your own.

Peri Bottle
HEAVENLY. I was so glad for its existence. I didn’t wipe for a while and merely dabbed toilet paper around. This helped not only relieve me of the sting, but also allowed me to clean off blood. Warm water works the best. The hospital usually provides you with one but they are cheap if you want an extra.

Ice Packs
These were such a relief and wonderful to help swelling. Check with your hospital. Some may provide these for you.

Dermoplast
Another wonderful relief for the vaginal area. It definitely helped take away the burn, sting, and itch. My sister (who had a baby almost 3 months prior to me) hated it and never used it. It’s a strange cooling sensation so everyone will react differently. Most hospitals provide it for you.

Sitz Bath
Herbs are powerful tools from the earth. The herbal blends in sitz baths will help reduce swollen tissues, bring relief to tender areas, promote healing, and reduce the chance of infection. It’s a relaxing way to nourish your vagina and yourself. Take the time alone, breathe it all in and let it all go. Even as a new mama, you deserve a second to care for yourself. Here’s a recipe if you want to DIY!

Nipple Cream
I simply used coconut oil. Thankfully, my nipples grew accustomed quickly and avoided rawness but many mothers I’ve spoken with, have praised nipple creams. You can also make your own with this recipe.

Breast Pump
Your breasts will become swollen with fresh milk for your little nursling. A breast pump is your friend. It’s also great so you can start stashing away milk for when you finally decide you can handle being away from your little for more than 5 minutes at a time. I’m not an avid pumper so I simply use the manual Medela Harmony but I’d suggest investing in an electric. 

Breast Pads
You can either get disposable or reusable. I went through the disposables like crazy. Until your milk regulates, you leak an insane amount. We had breast pads strewn all over the place for the longest time.

Nursing Bras
I made the mistake of only purchasing one nursing bra. I was doing laundry less in the first few weeks so my bra was drowning in milk stains and milk scent. I highly recommend grabbing more than one. Eventually, I got 4 of these and this sleep one. The sleep one is SO comfortable, I practically lived in it. I don’t recommend anything with a wire. It’s extremely uncomfortable and even worse when engorged.

Comfortable Undies
Warning: do not, I repeat, do NOT wear your cute underwear. You bleed like a waterfall and it’s not worth risking all the underwear you love. Chances are if you have heavy-duty pads, you won’t. But to be on the safe side, grab a few pairs of basic underwear so you won’t feel sad if you need to toss them!

Herbal Tea
Red Raspberry tea is a great support for uterine care.
Milkmaid tea will help support healthy breastfeeding and increase milk production. 

Water Bottle
Hydration is extremely important. All your resources are gathering into your breasts for your baby and taking away from you! You need to keep up your hydration so you can take care of yourself and create milk for the nursling. I always carried my blender bottle around with me but any water bottle will do. 

Easy Snacks
Same as above. Your nutrients are being used up fairly quickly and you need to snack more often. Trail mixes, granola bars, fruits, crackers, and other finger foods are perfect for right now. Keep them near wherever you sit to feed your little one (bedside table, coffee table, etc).

Rest
Don’t worry about the dishes piling up or the clothes dirtying the floor. This time is crucial and belongs to you and the baby. It will get better no matter how tough it seems in the beginning. You’ll all naturally fall into a routine as baby grows. In the meantime, take whatever time you can to rest and recoup.

Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help, from friends and family. You don’t need to isolate yourself or do everything on your own now that you have a baby. Whether it’s someone bringing you a meal, or coming over to let you nap while they keep their eye on the baby, or someone picking up your house, or whatever it is: you do deserve it mama so don’t hesitate on asking.

Most importantly remember, be kind to yourself and go through the postpartum period gently. Love is at your fingertips and on the broken skin around your hips.

Postpartum Care Checklist
• Witch Hazel Pads
• Peri Bottle
• Ice Packs
• Dermoplast
• Sitz Bath
• Nipple Cream
• Breast Pump
• Breast Pads
• Nursing Bras
• Comfortable Undies
• Herbal Teas
• Water Bottle
• Easy Snacks
• Rest
• Help

How To Nurse In Public

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You’ve just sat down in a restaurant. You smile at your husband and begin to open your menu. As you start discussing the list of drinks, you hear a whimper and a stir. You look up apologetically at your husband and turn your focus to the baby. The diaper is dry, the pacifier won’t hold, and your baby is licking their lips and shoving their entire first in their mouth. This can only mean one thing so you unbuckle the seat belt or take baby out of the wrap, cradle hold your baby, take out your breast, and watch as baby settles down. You smile at your husband, flip through the menu with your free hand, and continue to discuss dinner options.

Or do you? Too often women shy away from this situation. A situation that is nothing but natural and normal. A common occurrence within the breastfeeding community of women is being uncomfortable nursing in public. For some, it’s a nerve-wracking task and for some it’s like an attached limb they’ve had their whole life. It’s understandable. For years, women’s breasts have been seen sexually rather than biologically. We favor bra ads but shy away from sharing information about breastfeeding. I’ve talked to so many new mothers who are scared of leaving the house because they don’t know what to do in this situation. Hopefully these tips can help:

Practice
Start at home. Breastfeeding may be natural but it’s not always easy. If you’re worried about breast exposure, try latching baby on at home and you’ll find you don’t expose much at all. Try different ways out. Try it with a cover and without a cover. Try it with a blanket over your shoulder that you can pull onto baby’s head until latched. Over time, you’ll be a ninja at breastfeeding without exposing much at all. Experiment and find what works for you.

Wear Appropriate Attire
I get disheveled easily. Breastfeeding in public was a snap once I wore more accessible clothing. I highly recommend a nursing bra if you don’t already have one. Besides my breasts and my pump, it’s my most valued breastfeeding tool. These are the best and easiest outfits I’ve found:

– Two piece outfits. Pants, shorts or skirts paired with a nursing bra and a loose top is the easiest outfit and my go-to. Lift your shirt from the bottom and baby can access the breast. You can pull the shirt down enough to cover any breast exposure and help make you more comfortable. If you are uncomfortable about any belly showing, you can wear a belly band or a tank top underneath your shirt.
– Dresses are wonderful as long as they are an easy, flexible material so you can pull down and access the breast.
– If you have the cash, splurge on a couple nursing clothes that already have the holes sewn in.
– Nursing tanks are great too. Buy a couple different colors and wear them with a cover up.

Pick A Comfortable Spot
Breastfeeding in public is so much easier when you find a cozy spot to sit. Making this experience comfortable will help you calm any anxiety you may have. This may mean a fitting room at a retail store, a park bench when walking around, your car at the grocery store, or a restaurant booth. You want enough space for you, your baby, and whatever else you have with you.

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS
Some people will get uncomfortable and feel obliged to say something to you. That is their own personal issue. You are within your rights and the rights of nature. Breastfeeding in public is LEGAL in many places and for good reason. No one has the right to discriminate against you for feeding your child nor can anyone prevent you from doing so. They shouldn’t be asking you to feed elsewhere or disturbing you whatsoever.

If you’re in the states, this site summarizes the statutes for each state.

Act Confident
The trick to anything is acting confident.. even when you aren’t. You know you are doing something crucial for your child’s livelihood so own it. Smile if someone frowns at you. If someone responds negatively, here are some witty comebacks you can use. Remember, not everyone that stares at you, is staring for a negative reason. Some may be genuinely curious. If it’s hard to find your confidence, look at your baby while you’re feeding and remind yourself what’s truly important. You can also join The Badass Breastfeeder for a positive boost and more breastfeeding information and watch this video to give yourself a little laugh.

Just Do It
I know, I know. It’s easier said than done but I promise, once you do it, you’ll be refreshed. You’ll get so used to it, you won’t ever think twice of hiding away in your car or in the restroom. After a couple times, your confidence will be exploding and you’ll be a pro.

Mother’s Milk

 Breastfeeding has been a sacred journey for me. It’s truly one of my favorite things about motherhood. To be able to nourish his body with my body is unfathomable. To be able to sustain life with my body is amazing. I feel I have been let in on an ancient secret between women and it’s beautiful.

I’m surprised at how natural it came to both of us and how natural nursing in public was. I thought I’d shy away, embarrassed. Worried about judgment. Turns out, I don’t care. It is what it is – natural and necessary. I’ve learned to become a nursing ninja with no nip slips. Those offended need to look within, question themselves.
These are our soft moments together. As one, once again

Dear Janie Porter, Is It Really That Hard to Look Away?

In response to “Dear Breastfeeding Moms, Is It Really That Hard to Cover Up?”

Dear Janie Porter & Offended Public,

As a fellow breastfeeding mother, let me clear up a little confusion for you. I mean you said it yourself, “What’s with all the controversy about nursing in public?” It’s the same question I ask. So let me help break it down for you.

“Is it really that hard to cover up?”

No, it’s not. But it’s easier not to cover up. Is it really that hard to look away? I could easily buy one of those nursing aprons but I won’t. The one and only time I tried nursing in public with a cover was a complete disaster. I was hot, my son was hot, I couldn’t see him, I felt uncomfortable for both me and him. I don’t eat with a blanket over my head and neither should my son.

“Here’s the deal: Strangers don’t want to see your areola. (Yeah, that’s it.)”

Unless what? They’re floating on the big screen? Hanging out in ads and magazines? In porn? In movies? Doing everything sexual except not what their intended purpose is? Which is to feed and nourish a child? Ah, makes absolute sense.

“I’ve nursed my kids in the middle of the fanciest restaurants, at the beach, at the doctor’s office, in the library, the airport, the grocery store, in millions (okay, dozens) of parking lots. One time, I even sat down on a tiny patch of grass to feed my baby on the side of the road.”

I have nursed my son at a Renaissance Faire, multiple restaurants (including a fancy one), at a dentist office, at a doctor’s office, outdoors, etc. Without a cover. Everyone survived, I promise.

“But, I still managed to get a blanket, or at least part of my shirt, to cover my naked nipple while my kids ate. Really, is it that big of a deal?”

Is it that big of a deal if there isn’t a blanket over a women and her child? Truly? Should we start requesting formula feeding moms to put blankets over their head and their child’s because the nipple of a bottle resembles a woman’s nipple? Perhaps we should request a blanket over a child’s head when they suck on a pacifier because that, too, resembles a woman’s nipple?

“The truth is, I don’t want to see your naked boobs. I don’t want my husband to, and come to think of it, my preschool son either.”

What are you going to do about the media? Going to the mall and seeing posters of women in bras? Does your husband not watch porn? And if he doesn’t, has he ever seen a movie with a naked lady in it? Is that okay with you? As long as boobs are not used for their natural function, is it okay? I come across more naked women in a sexualized fashion than I ever have a breastfeeding one.

“That doesn’t mean I’m sexualizing breastfeeding. It means that a naked boob, to most people in our culture, is a sexual thing.”

You did sexualize breastfeeding. That statement sexualizes breastfeeding. I’ll leave it at that.

“Your vagina helped make the kid, and I don’t see you flashin’ that around.”

I don’t flash it around because it no longer serves a purpose. My breasts serve a purpose. If my son was about to be birthed in the grocery store, I sure as hell will take my pants off and deliver if I had to. I’m not going to politely ask him to wait until I get to the hospital because it doesn’t work like that.

“Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m ignorant. Maybe you’re just trying to prove a point, and I just don’t get it. We all do motherhood our own way, and I love that. I really do think it’s a beautiful thing that all moms are different.”

This is the truest, most knowledgeable statement you have made thus far.

See, my 7 year old niece has seen both me and my older sister breastfeeding. She doesn’t bat an eye when we do it. If I’m breastfeeding around her, she goes about her own business. She runs around and plays. She says “Hi Auntie Shayna, Bye Auntie Shayna” hurriedly. We’ve taught her not to be rude and stare. We’ve taught her that this is normal and natural. She cares just as much as she cares about bottle feeding a baby or watching me eat which is zero.

I don’t plan on covering myself up because I don’t need to. I’m not flaunting my “tits”, I’m feeding my child. If that offends you, you should not only look away but you should look within. I nurse without a cover for myself, for my child, for society, and for the women that want to but can’t. I hold my head high and I stand with all breastfeeding moms. I stand with them however they choose to: with a cover, without a cover, in a bottle, by breast, with formula, donated, etc. We should be empowering women and educating them, not bringing them down.

I know that I’ll be teaching my son not to objectify women and see them as only sexual beings. I’m sorry your son won’t be learning the same lesson.

Sincerely,

A Fellow Breastfeeding Mother That Really Doesn’t Have Anything to Get

Breastfeeding Magic

A newborn baby has only three demands.  They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence.  Breastfeeding satisfies all three.

– Grantly Dick-Read

Breastfeeding is NOT easy for everyone. It can become a terror and a nightmare for many. Some may not be able to carry on, no matter how hard they try. To my new mamas, please know, you are not alone. You have NOT failed. An improper latch, clogged ducts, low supply, sore nipples, infection, mastitis, etc – you have tried and you have tried your hardest.

To the mamas who are going through cluster feeds and babies that want to eat every three hours and you find yourself crying, alone, at 5 in the morning with bags under your eyes wishing for a small amount of relief, stay strong. Reach out for help. You are doing something amazing. No matter how natural it may be, it can be emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. It is tough to constantly fill the stomach of a wanting baby, with both milk and affection. I’m here for you. Do not be ashamed. You are doing something extraordinary.

My first experience breastfeeding Maddox was awkward and clumsy. I happily accepted help when they asked if I needed it. The moment was pure and he was a natural, like he was waiting for this moment just as much as I was. He latched beautifully after a couple tries and I was grateful. We locked eyes and my heart melted. In an instant, I surrendered to this sweet nursling and let myself go as he took in my liquid gold.

From here forth, these moments are our own and nothing else exists. I wrap my limbs around him and once again we become one. I spend this time studying him, his innocence. Running my fingers across his back, across his cheek, down his arm. He gulps and holds his hand against my chest. I feel whole and infinite yet, I know these moments will not last. I soak every second up while I can.

I nourish this boy with all of me.

These are tiny moments that I want to remember with little, fumbling hands against my bare skin. A bond unmatched.

These are fleeting moments. Moments that won’t last.

Moments that should be captured, not covered.

The Birth Of Our Maddox

Maddox’s birth did not go the way it was intended but I knew there was always a chance of things going very differently than I had initially planned.

The Friday night before labor and birth, I was lying on the couch with Dave. I kept getting light Braxton-Hicks-like cramping yet more consistent. It was uncomfortable but not worrisome. I told Dave and he said, “You’re going to have the baby tomorrow.” I said, “No way.” I was already 3 days past my due date but I had no idea when he was planning his arrival.

At 3am on Saturday, I awoke to pretty regular contractions. They were uncomfortable rather than painful. I was timing them at 6 minutes apart already. They were light so I wasn’t sure if I was beginning labor or not. But they continued and around 4am, I woke Dave to let him know what was happening. We both waited with anticipation until I realized this wasn’t a false alarm.

Around 5am, I called the hospital to see if they wanted me to come in. I waited for the on-call doctor to call me back. They didn’t (until an hour and a half later!) so I decided to go to the hospital anyway. 3 days overdue and signs of labor? Dave and I excitedly packed and headed out. The contractions were beginning to increase in strength and the time apart was getting closer together.

We arrived at the hospital around 6am. I felt good even though the contractions were becoming worse. After taking me into a room with a few beds hidden by curtains, hooking me up for an NST, and asking me questions, a doctor eventually came in to check my cervix. My contractions, at this point, were 4 minutes apart, increasing in strength, and much more painful.

Dilation was only at 2cm. The same as it was at my previous, Wednesday, OB appointment. No change. All these contractions, all this work, and no change. It was 8am at this point. 5 hours with no change seemed absurd. I became discouraged and started to focus on the pain. They checked a couple more times while I was there and still, no change so they sent me home. I felt my body was failing me. I knew my plan to have a natural birth was crashing in front of me. The pain was unbearable and nothing was progressing. How long would I be in this pain for? There was an overwhelming feeling of not having control. At 10am, we were discharged. I went home and labored. I laid in bed. I moaned in bed. I sat in the bathtub with a pillow. I moved. I walked. I crouched. I hurt. I tried to sleep. They came in 4 minute waves and were getting closer together, more painful.

12pm. 3 minutes apart. Strong. 9 hours of laboring already. I told Dave that we need to go back. This time, they admitted me. After settling in, another cervix check was done and I was still 2cm. Again, I was discouraged and mentally exhausted. It was hard to focus on pain management when you felt your body wasn’t working with you. Dave tried to calm me down and help me focus on my breathing.

At about 5:30pm, I was dilated to 5cm. 14 hours of labor. I was finally able to get the epidural if I wanted. And I did. Although I was breathing well and handling the pain as well as I could, I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. 14 hours had already passed and I didn’t know how much longer I would be laboring for before he decided it was time to make an entrance. I made the choice that was most suitable for my situation. Even though it wasn’t my plan, I was much more comfortable and happy afterwards.

At around 7:30pm, the doctor decided to break my water at 7cm. Not too long after that, the nurse came in and started prepping everything. The lights were down, the warmer was up and running, they got their gowns on. At this point, everything became real. I would meet my son soon. At around 8:40pm, the doctor checked my cervix again and Maddox was ready to enter the world. It took about 5 minutes for everyone to get ready and in position. At about 8:45pm I started pushing when I felt pressure. Dave was the greatest support I could have had by my side. He held my head, my legs, my hand, and looked at me with stars in his eyes. 10 minutes later, Maddox was earth side. Born 5/2/15, 8:55pm, 8lbs 2oz 20in.

I saw his vernix filled face and heard his beautiful cry before he was taken to the warmer to be cleaned off while the nurse started working on patching me up and massaging out my placenta. Dave went over, held his hand, took pictures, held him until he could be brought over to me. He laid him on my chest so I could breastfeed and we latched eyes and I was in love. I felt such peace, such calm with him on my breast, skin to skin, eyes locked. He was beautiful and all mine. All ours.

At some point, they told me that he would have to spend the night in NICU. I looked at Dave and felt my heart explode. I had a fever during labor and after. Since I was GBS+, and he had a small fever, they wanted to start him on antibiotics, do blood tests, and keep watch on him. We were able to spend some time with him but then they took him and moved me to our postpartum room. Dave got us food and passed out around midnight/1 o’clock. It was difficult to sleep even though I was so extremely tired. I just cried for a little and had a couple naps. At around 5am, I called to see how he was. He was good and would probably be back with us later that day. And he was!

This is not the natural birth I had wanted but it’s mine, Maddox’s, and Dave’s story and it’s incredible nonetheless.

Just an important note: Dave was extremely incredible the entire time. I couldn’t be more grateful or thankful to have had him there with me. He held my hand, he started and drained multiple baths for me, he looked at me with concern, he helped keep my breathing steady, he breathed with me, he told me I could do this when I thought I couldn’t. Knowing he was in the room made me feel so safe and so secure. Having his warm hand on mine during the waves of pain helped root me. He was a very important piece in my labor and birth. I don’t think I can thank him enough for being so wonderful and so supportive.